


I'm sorry.

by whisper_feather



Category: VIXX
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, Alternate Universe - Future, Alternate Universe - Post-War, Apocalypse, Being Lost, Depression, Lost Love, M/M, One Of The Main Characters Is Dying, Vixx - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2020-01-31 10:12:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18589138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whisper_feather/pseuds/whisper_feather
Summary: Once I asked you to make a choice. And you did it.Here is the answer.Watch what you ask for.





	I'm sorry.

Imagine the best day in your life that you had.

Remember the feeling that accompanied you.

It's a feeling of warmth somewhere inside that fills the heart. When you don't need anything more and you are just happy.

Don't look far. It may be a small memory, it's about you understanding it.

Now imagine that this feeling of happiness accompanies you every day. Whenever you open your eyes, it's already there.  
Pretty cool, huh? Neverending happiness.

I've never been anything outstanding. I was a simple boy. Jung Taekwoon. Basketball player.  
But he was there too. Another boy. Cha Hakyeon. Quiet, always smiling. Even when someone insulted him, he never responded with anger. But people are cruel sometimes and when I saw someone pushing him... I couldn't stand idle.  
And from that day I got a friend. And from day to day he became closer to me, until it seemed impossible to breathe without him.

When I opened my eyes and saw his smile. When I could kiss his delicate lips. The sun shinning on his hair, creating a luminous glow around his face. The smell of his skin. His laughter.

He was my happiness.

Other people came along with him and, I have to admit that, until now I didn't know what true friendship means.  
But Wonshik and Hongbin, this funny couple. They probably didn't know for themselves whether they feel something or not. But I guessed that there was something more.  
"He is my soulmate." Wonshik confessed to me one day and smiled so softly. And Hongbin always defended Wonshik if only someone tried to laugh at him. It was in the air. Pure, quiet love.  
And there was also Jaehwan and Sanghyuk. They were not really together, as a couple, but it was difficult to separate them. There was something subtle between them. Those short looks and smiles.  
Our life was very simple before the war came. A war that none of us expected. Even modern technology couldn't fix this. Maybe it was a cause of everything.

Everyone was divided into various camps, but someone was watching over us, because all six of us were in one small camp.  
Hidden in a small room, waiting for orders.

And my Hakyeonnie. The quiet boy, with an eternal smile... he became an officer. He had the highest rank of us all. He saved so many lives because he knew what to do. Every time. Sometimes it was so scary.  
And even now, thinking about it, it's hard for me to believe how many secrets he has.

I sat against the wall, watching one of our last photos together. All six of us, sitting by the fire. Wonshik has silly face, because he claimed that no one had set the self-timer. And then... flash.  
And now he sat in silence, giving small kisses to the top of Hongbin's head, which rested on his torso and dozed off.  
Also Jaehwan and Sanghyuk. Sitting next to each other. Close. They still only had those looks, nothing more. Even if the air between them was buzzing with emotions.

Hakyeon returned, but not for long. He smiled when he pulled off his hat, I took him in my arms.  
"We don't have time." he said. "I need to go back."  
"Why? What about us?" Hongbin asked, he was awake.  
"You have to stay here." Hakyeon only said.  
"Stay?" I preferred to be sure.  
"Yes." Hakyeon looked into my eyes. For the first time, I didn't know if I should believe him. "I have to go and meet the rest of the staff. You will be safe here. Sanghyuk, you command here when I'm gone."  
The boy nodded. The youngest of us and already become a leader. But he had something strong inside. Something what Hakyeon had.

Hakyeon smiled and gave me a look. A look that scared me. I followed him to the exit.  
"Wait..." I whispered, but he turned away, embraced me and kissed me.  
"Everything will be fine, Taekwoon."  
"I'm not so sure. You don't tell us everything."  
"I can't tell you everything. It's a burden of responsibility that I have to carry on my shoulders. But I can bear everything for you, just please don't lose faith in me."  
"Never."  
Hakyeon smiled.  
"See you later." he said and went to the car, driving away in the clouds of dust.  
There was something ominous in that moment when he was leaving. My heart was beating fast and I felt a cold sweat on my neck. My whole body was trembling with fear. I wanted to stop him, I knew I should stop him. And yet I was standing still, unable to take at least one step.  
What was he thinking about now? What was he going to do? How can this war end?  
I went back inside, wanting to feel peace again. But I didn't know how. This discomfort when you are in an unpleasant situation and you want it to end as soon as possible.  
When your breath is fast, your hands are sweaty and you can't concentrate. Your knees are soft, you can barely take a step forward. And only the remnants of your consciousness let you function.

I don't know how long time has passed.  
But then we received the call.  
"Hakyeon!" I called. "Where are you? What is happening?"  
 _"Don't worry about me."_ his voice was strange. Something was wrong.  
We looked at each other.  
And then Hakyeon spoke again:  
 _"Listen to me carefully. We won't win this war... let me finish!"_ he breathed quickly, he tried to control his voice, but I knew that he could hardly stand it. I'm sure he was crying. I knew him too well. _"We won't win this war, but there is one solution and I decided to do it. I have an order for you stay in place. It will be an explosion, you will feel it, but don't go outside under any circumstances."_  
"Hakyeon, I don't like it." I said.  
 _"Yeah, me too, but... you will be fine."_ suddenly his voice calmed down. _"You will be well, trust me, just beware of the explosion."_  
"What the hell are you talking about?!" Wonshik shouted.  
 _"Don't scream at me, everything will be okay. Ah, remember this one day when Taekwoon got hurt in the leg? It was summer and his leg swelled so much. Ice bath helped him. I remember how we all looked after you, Taekwoon. Like a child, you used us to give you a strawberry sorbet whenever you wanted."_ he laughed. Than beautiful, soft laugh. My heart almost broke. _"I still like this memory. I like all our memories."_  
"Hakyeon, you're creepy." Hongbin said.  
 _"No. I just remembered it and I wanted to talk to you for a moment. I'd like our old days to come back. I miss it."_  
"Yes, us too." Sanghyuk murmured.  
 _"Such moments are valuable, just try to remember when it will be over. Moments that can never come back. Words you never said. Just do it, okay?"_  
"Hakyeon, I'll tell you something when you come back." I said.  
 _"And you can't do it now?"_  
"No. When you come back."  
 _"Hey, it's not fair! There will be a mess and you'll probably forget. You've never had a good memory. Please, tell me now."_  
"No." I smiled. "At least I'll make you come back faster."  
Silence lasted. I wasn't sure if the connection was interrupted or something else happened.  
"Hakyeon?" I asked.  
 _"I don't have time anymore, take care of yourself."_  
"See you later."  
 _“I ’ m   s o r r y.”_  
“What? Why?”  
We didn't hear the answer, but I was strangely calm.  
I was calm, but it was weird. It was as if intuition told me that I shouldn't. Or maybe I was stunned? Maybe there was so much emotion that I became numb.  
"Hongbin, can I ask you here for a moment?" Sanghyuk spoke quietly and they sat in the corner together with the laptop.  
"Don't worry." Wonshik said to me. "Hakyeon is strong and smart, he'll probably save our asses."  
"Yes, probably yes, it's very much his style."  
"Yeah. By the way, what do you want to tell him?"  
"About the apartment." I smiled again. "I found one for us, I think he will like it."  
"Woah, great! I will buy you a cactus as a gift."  
"Hakyeon likes them very much, so… And I will be happy when he will be."

 

Hours passed, and we just waited. And then Sanghyuk...  
"Fuck!"  
I got up.  
"What?"  
"I know what he wants to do. Something wasn't right and Hongbin helped me to hack the files I didn't have access to... This bomb... It will releases the electromagnetic field. It's going to shock everyone." Sanghyuk spoke quickly. He put the laptop on the table and stood up, looking at us. "Like someone wants to fry your brain."  
"What do you mean?" Jaehwan was shaken.  
"There is a bomb in every country around the world, they are just arming them." Sanghyuk clenched his fists.  
"But what does this mean for us?!" Wonshik was nervous.  
"They will erase our memories." Hongbin said in a cold tone. "We will forget everything. Everything."  
"How to stop this?" I asked.  
"We can't!" Sanghyuk shook his head. "At this point, a dozen of people around the world are sitting and waiting for a signal. They explosion will kill them, Taekwoon. That is why he want us to stay here... Hakyeon..."  
And then it came to me.  
"No, no, I'm going there."  
"You can't leave!" Wonshik stopped me. "You won't make it."  
"I have time!"  
"No, you don't have!" Wonshik pointed to the screen. One of the last controls has been lit on the world map. Only their country remained.  
Hakyeon.  
"We will forget everything... Everyone..." I whispered. And I couldn't stand this thought, so I went to the door. But the door locked automatically. And I couldn't open them. They were blocked from another place and I knew it was him. Hakyeon knew perfectly well what I would try to do.  
He knew all this time.

"Jaehwan, I want to tell you something." it was Sanghyuk and I looked over my shoulder. They stood together against the wall. Sanghyuk kept his face in his hands. "I love you, I love you for a very long time, but I didn't have the courage to tell you because I'm stupid."  
"I... You are not stupid! Because I love you too and I couldn't tell you either. I don't want to forget you... Sanghyuk, I don't want to forget you!"  
"Shut up!"  
They were kissing for the first time and for the last time and I felt my heart break. Hongbin and Wonshik sat on the floor together. Wonshik held him tight, hugging him.  
The earth shuddered as the last control lit up on the screen.  
"No!" I shouted and slammed on the door until I felt a blow that knocked me off to the ground.  
And there was pain, so strong that I couldn't move. As if someone was stabbing a knife into my brain. And pictures flashing in front of my eyes, scenes from my life. They were disappearing one by one.  
His smile. I couldn't forget him. I couldn't forget him!

Remember! Remember! Reme...

 

* * *

 

  
It was a strange feeling.  
Waking up.  
It was so bright that I had to cover my eyes with my hand. And then I realized that I was in a place I don't know. I raised slowly, although my head ached so much as if someone would tear it away and attach it to my neck. As if it wasn't mine at all. I had a void in my head.

I didn't know where I was.

I didn't know when I was.

And I didn't know who I was.

"Relax, you have gone through a lot." she was an elderly nurse. "Everything will be fine."  
"I don't remember anything."  
"Yes, I know, not only you. But rest now, okay?" she checked something on the monitor and then left.  
There were more people in the room who were sleeping. None of these faces seemed familiar to me.  
But there was also some pain there. Not physical. Like losing something very important.

They told us that there was a war.  
Humanity stood on the verge of destruction and we all fought to avoid it.  
In vain.  
But there were some heroes who brought peace. There was one in each country. They say they died to give us hope for a better tomorrow.  
I wasn't sure if taking the memory of almost all my life was the solution. I wouldn't thank this person for that.  
For nightmares, for the poor life that I had now. For depression. For insomnia. For loneliness and emptiness, which I couldn't fill with anything and anyone.  
I regretted that I didn't die in this war, because it would be better than this.  
I didn't belong to any place.  
I didn't remember anyone.  
I didn't even remember myself.

How many people broke the bonds of love, friendship...? How many people suffered like me?  
Looking at the gray face passed on the street, I wasn't the only one.  
We've become no ones.  
This life wasn't worth the choice that someone made for us.  
There were no photos or other memories, because everything was destroyed.  
For the good of humanity.

I heard about people who... they didn't want it. They couldn't stand it any longer. So they finished it their way.  
Standing alone on the shore, I was wondering about it myself. How wonderful it would be to end this endless suffering.  
This pain that can't be healed.  
But I couldn't. I just stood and watched.  
Tears were streaming down my cheeks. Only that seemed real.


End file.
